The Faint Light from the Lamp
by atlieneko
Summary: Petunia and Lily Evans are happy, satisfied sisters with the future looking bright for both of them--until something comes up; and Lily chooses her own path.


02 April 2001  
Disclaimers: I do not own anyone in this fic; everything belongs to J. K. Rowling, except for my own plot in this story. XD Please review, thanks. This is my first Harry Potter fic, by the way.

**The Faint Light from the Lamp**  
By atlieneko

Petunia Evans sat cross-legged on her bed, her diary balanced on her lap. Besides the moonlight streaming from the window, the other source of light in her room was the light from the lamp on the table beside her bed.

It was a warm night. The windows were wide open, and a soft, warm breeze wafted in the room. She shifted uncomfortably, and pointed the tip of her pen on a page of the diary.

Petunia set her tongue between her teeth as she concentrated on writing:

_Dear Diary,_

Today I have arrived home for the holidays. My term ended yesterday, and I am starting to miss school and my friends. I never knew that entering a boarding school would be fun, too. Perhaps my second year will be better, and I can't wait for that.

Tonight I am back in my old room. The pink-and-white walls, the faint light from the lamp, my bed, my stuff, everything...I am back.

Lily was glad to see me back home. She says she can't wait until she goes to boarding school with me. That would be a couple of years away, because next year she's turning 10 and I'll be 12 years old by then. I can't wait for that time too; when she goes to boarding school with me we'll never be apart anymore.

Mum and Dad were happy about my grades. They keep on telling Lily that she should do good too, or even better, when she goes to boarding school. I know my sister will excel in high school, she is a bright girl and she's very smart.

Tomorrow, Lily and I will make up for the lost times while we were apart. We would spend the day together tomorrow. We would tell each other stories, Mum could take us shopping, or simply we would watch some videos and stuff.

It's great to be home again.

There was a soft creak from the door, and the faint rustle of cloth. Petunia looked up from her diary to see her nine-year-old sister, Lily, in her nightgown, standing on the threshold and gripping the doorknob quite tightly.

Petunia sighed inwardly. "Lily, how come you didn't even knock? And it's well past our bedtimes. Mum would kill us if she catches us both wide awake at this time of the night."

"I...I know...I'm sorry," Lily stammered, "but I was having nightmares again, and I knew you would be awake too, Petunia."

"Oh," Petunia looked at Lily in concern. Her sister was always bothered by her nightmares, and though it was quite babyish of her, Lily often sought comfort from Petunia when she would wake up in the middle of the night. Petunia found this quite disturbing, but she couldn't do anything about it--she was worried about Lily most of the time. She closed the diary with a snap, and tucked it with the pen under her pillow. "Okay, then, come sit here with me. And keep your voice down."

Her younger sister smiled happily and scrambled on the bed beside her. Petunia moved over to give Lily some space. She put her chin on her hands and stared at the younger girl. "Lily--I don't know why you still keep on visiting me after our bedtimes, you're a big girl now and I know you can handle yourself. Hmm. Care to tell me something?"

Lily tucked a lock of her red hair behind her ear and stared back at her sister shyly. "Well...to tell you the truth, Petunia, I feel stupid about doing this too. It's babyish, see? But, you know..." she smiled, and Petunia smiled back, amused at her sister's sense of maturity. "I just want to talk to you. I can't wait for tomorrow, and besides, I miss you a lot."

There was a pause. Petunia cleared her throat and lay back a little. "I see. I'm glad you've finally learned to adjust quite a bit--" Lily giggled at this, "and I do miss you too, sis. Okay, fire away, what was your nightmare about?"

Lily's eyes suddenly looked troubled, and at this Petunia straightened up and leaned forward. "Are you okay?"

"Um...yes, it was just that the nightmare was as bad as before. It was not about mummies or vampires anymore. There was this tall man, he looked really evil, and he reminded me of snakes," Lily said. Petunia nodded. "And--I saw an older version of myself. I was holding a baby. Then the man chased me, and I ran away with the baby...the evil man was laughing, and he was coming closer...

"Then, for a brief moment, I saw a tall, thin man wearing glasses lying spread-eagled on the floor. I suppose the evil man killed him too. I was scared, I was crying, and I kept on running. The evil man was close behind, and...I knew nothing anymore."

Her shoulders sagged, and she bowed her head. Petunia reached over and patted her back. "Don't worry, Lily. It was just a nightmare. It's...nothing. And a man resembling a snake-- that's pretty absurd, you know."

"But it seemed so real," Lily mumbled under her breath.

Petunia sighed. "It's okay now, Lily...Petunia's here." She hugged the younger girl and Lily hugged her back.

"Thanks," Lily smiled at her gratefully. "Thanks for listening to me..."

"Aww, it was nothing," Petunia grinned. She remembered something. "And what about the other one...the dead man lying on the ground? Who do you think he was? And the baby?"

"I don't know," Lily replied, "but he looked kind of handsome, you know. And the baby looked a lot like him." She giggled.

Petunia chuckled. "That could be your own baby, and your future husband, I suppose...but I don't want that to happen to your future family, you know."

Lily sighed. "I hope so, too. And--what about you? Tell me stories about your school, please?" She looked at her sister pleadingly.

"All right," Petunia said, amused at Lily's pleadings. "Two months ago, the older students had a great ball. We weren't allowed, of course, we were too young for the ball. But we did see the decorations, and the pretty girls and the good-looking guys..." She sighed dreamily. "It was fantastic, and I can't wait for our turn to have our own ball. You're going to experience that too, when you go to high school with me."

Lily nodded excitedly. "And? What else?"

"Oh, and one night, when me and my friends were lying on our beds in our dormitory, we thought of not going to sleep and staying up way past our bedtimes. Like this, you know. So we huddled up in one of the beds, and talked and ate sweets and laughed--until we heard someone coming!" Petunia laughed at the memory. "And then we scrambled back to our beds and pretended to be asleep. It was one of the older girls checking on us, and we were thankful that she didn't catch us or she would tell on us, of course!"

Lily laughed along. "That sounds really fun. You know, Petunia," she hugged one of her sister's pillows. "I can't wait to go to boarding school with you. I know it would be fun, and we would always be together then!"

"Why, of course!" Petunia hugged her again. "I'm looking forward to that."

They told each other more stories, until Lily had become quite sleepy. Petunia had seen her to her room, and tucked her in. It was a fond, sisterly act, and the big sister quite missed doing it to the younger one. When she settled on her own bed at last, she drifted off to sleep peacefully, enjoying the quiet, familiar comforts of home.

Lily settled comfortably on her bed one rainy night. She had just come back from her first term at Hogwarts, and she couldn't be happier. She was glad to be back home again, but she felt quite uncomfortable on facing her older sister. Petunia was still upset, she too, had been looking forward to Lily going to the same boarding school with her, but everything has changed.

Lily Evans is a witch, and she was home fresh from a great term at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Petunia was very much against Lily's decision in going to Hogwarts, and she didn't like the idea of her sister becoming a witch. She wouldn't breathe a word of Lily's talent in magic under their parents' roof; instead, she referred to magic as "abnormal", and "absurd". Lily sighed. She missed her sister very badly, but Petunia refused to talk to her in the old intimate, sisterly way that she used to.

She knew that Petunia was also upset because their parents have been praising Lily over and over again, and they were proud of having a witch in the family. Meanwhile, Petunia had earned great grades from school again, but their parents didn't give her the same attention they gave Petunia whenever she would bring home good school reports. Lily couldn't blame Petunia for feeling bad and sulky, but she couldn't do anything about it. And she also wished that Petunia would stop treating her like someone who has leprosy.

But there was her older sister now, standing by the open door of Lily's room. Lily sat up. "Please come in," she said pleasantly. She noticed that Petunia was trying hard not to look at her straight in the eye.

Petunia came in hesitantly, and she sat far away from her sister on the edge of the bed. There was a very uncomfortable pause.

"Do you like it there?"

Lily cleared her throat, surprised at her sister's question. "Well, yes," she said quietly. "I have really good friends there. James, Remus, Sirius and Peter--and some girls from my house. And I had fun. Hogwarts is a very special school, and I love it."

Petunia nodded. She didn't look up.

"What about you? How was your term?"

Instead of replying, Petunia stood up with her back on Lily. "I'm sorry, Lily, but...I guess I just can't accept this. And I can't say anything more. Well, goodbye then." She left the room and closed the door softly behind her.

Lily gaped at the closed door, dumbstruck. What was that supposed to mean? Petunia, her sister, saying goodbye? And why would she say goodbye? She couldn't believe it.

She felt something wet hit her cheek. It...it was real.

Lily made her way to the window, hugging a pillow, watching as rain poured steadily outside. Without knowing why, she leaned on the cold wall and slid slowly to the floor.

Outside, a blurry-eyed Petunia leaned on the door in front of her.

"Goodbye, Lily."

Years later...

The rain kept on pouring in torrents. Petunia Evans-Dursley lay wide-awake in bed, while her husband, Vernon, snored soundly next to her.

It was one of those sleepless nights, when the rain pounded hard on the streets. It was dreadfully cold too. She reached for her robe hanging on a chair next to her bed. Slowly, she sat up, putting on the robe. She got out of bed, careful not to wake Vernon.

She crossed the room to the crib on the other side. Inside the crib was her one-year-old baby boy, Dudley. He, like his father, slept very peacefully, undisturbed by the strong pounding of the rain. Petunia reached out to tenderly stroke her baby's fat, soft cheek. Dudley stirred slightly, and his mother drew her hand away.

She approached the window and drew the curtains aside to take a look out on the streets. It was hard to see anything, what with the rain clouding up everything. She opened the window slightly.

A gust of wet wind blew on her face. Suddenly, a piece of paper from the desk beside her flew up and hit her arm. Distracted, she closed the window again and let the curtains fall back. She looked down at her right arm, and gingerly picked up the piece of paper clinging loosely on it.

It was the letter she had refused to read. It came by that morning, and she knew where it came from. She had opened it before going to bed, but she hadn't bothered to read it. She looked at the piece of paper hesitantly, and began to read.

_Dear Petunia,_

It's been so long since we last talked. I know you don't care about that much, and I find it really hard to talk to you ever since...

Forgive me for saying that, but I've missed you so badly, we haven't seen each other for so long and I know that you wouldn't like to see me anyway. But for once, I ask you to please forget our differences and let's just be what we really are...sisters.

I cannot forget those nights when we talked and told each other stories under the faint light of the lamp in your room. I would creep in every time my nightmares would visit me in my sleep. And there you were, ready to comfort me every time. We broke Mum and Dad's rule of not talking when it's past our bedtimes. I would tell you about my nightmares and then you would comfort me, then you would tell me stories to make me feel better. Sometimes, we would even fall asleep holding hands in the dark.

How I miss those sisterly moments with you back then, and sometimes I wish we could go back to the days of our childhood.

Now I have my own son, Harry, and it is my turn to tell stories and sing lullabies to comfort him when he wakes up and cries in the middle of the night. And lots of times, I would sing to him the songs you sang for me before. He loves hearing them, you should see him giggling and calming down when he hears the soft, comforting lullabies.

How I wish you would come and visit me, James and Harry. You have your own family now too, and once in a while I would like to visit you. But we both know...that would be utterly impossible.

Petunia, right from the start I knew you detested my difference from you, and for that I ask for your forgiveness. If only I knew that you would drift away from me because of a choice that I highly favor, then I would never have chosen this fate, because I cannot bear to give up my sister for something I desire. In turn I also forgive you for ruining some things for me ever since we all found out that everything has changed.

I miss you; my sister, and I want so much to say the words that I have failed to tell you for a long time:

I love you, and I am grateful that I had an older sister like you.

Good luck and be well--

Goodbye.

Yours sincerely,  
Lily.

She clutched the paper firmly in her fist, and dumbly drew the curtains back again.

The rain was still pouring hard, and there was no faint light from a lamp to shine through the dark shadows of the room.

~ owari ~


End file.
